Big Little Lies is too awkward to watch with your parents

SPOILER ALERT: Please note that this relates to the second episode of Big Little Lies. So don’t read this if you don’t want to spoil it.

A few weeks ago, I turned on the TV and the first episode of Big Little Lies had started. Intrigued by the famous cast and the mystery, I thought, why not give this a go?

My Mum is similar to me and enjoys a bit of mystery. We were easily gripped and decided to set the series to record.

Yesterday I realised I had been obsessing over Dexter for too long and needed to watch more Big Little Lies (that and I wanted to draw out Season 8 for as long as possible).

Well I was in for a shocker. Don’t get me wrong, I am quite open with my Mum about sex, but there’s a limit to it, as in no graphic details.

Big Little Lies was way above the limit. It was like watching a porno with my Mum.

There was a scene with Nicole Kidman, where her character has an explosive argument with her husband. He slaps her. She punches him. He slams her hand into a wall. It was really quite nasty, but then the husband stops, drops to his knees then starting apologising and kissing her belly.

Then he’s on his feet and is trying to kiss her, but she keeps pulling away and saying no, like he’s forcing her into it. Next thing I know, he’s flipping her around and shagging her like a rampant rabbit. Oh and they didn’t end it there, they ensured we got to see the climax.

“Ok, that was a bit much,” I said, hoping my words would clear the awkwardness.

Big Little Lies wasn’t finished there. Later on, Nicole Kidman’s husband was away on business and decided to FaceTime her. He asked her to take off her dressing gown. Oh no, not more of this. I pretended to be busy looking at my iPad while she did, but luckily she ended it saying he’d have to come home for more.

Phew, we are near the last few minutes of the show and we’ve made it through without anymore awkwardness. Oh, how wrong I was.

Suddenly I find myself watching Nicole’s husband jacking off over FaceTime while she touches herself (luckily hands are under pants and parts are not exposed).

Tonight we were going to watch the third episode of Big Little Lies. Unfortunately I’ve seen a few articles popping about the fact that there are more racy scenes, involving Nicole’s husbands exposed penis. So it looks like more awkwardness to come.

My Mum went on a date and I eavesdropped

Ok so I didn’t intentionally eavesdrop, it happened by accident. Right place, wrong time sort of thing.

My doctor had upped my anxiety/depression medication and I had a tension headache that wasn’t easing up. I tried keeping myself distracted and went around my sisters. By 8pm my headache got worse. My sister told me to take some painkillers and head straight to bed when I got home.

I knew my Mum was out on her date during the day and was expecting to come home early evening. Well she wasn’t home when I returned.

At this point, my head had hit migraine level. My head throbbed and I just wanted to curl up in bed. My Mum’s hot beanie took too long in the microwave (one minute in reality) and I could barely keep my eyes open while I waited.

Finally, painkillers swallowed and I could clamber into bed.

I was just dozing off when I heard the back door open, announcing my Mums return. But she wasn’t alone.

The man my Mum was on a date with was a work friend. He had been her friend for four years now and they had never considered themselves more than friends. They always chatted at work and over text, but never met up outside work. Since things recently had turned a bit more flirty, it was time to meet up. But my Mum had her doubts that maybe nothing much would happen and he would leave early evening.

I was sure that was kissing sounds. Was I hearing things? I lay in bed for a bit, dozing but aware of the chatter, giggling and the kissing sounds here and there. Was I hearing right?

Curiosity got the better of me and I crept forward to my bedroom door. I opened the door very slightly, trying to do it slowly as the door creaked. Yes, that was definitely kissing.

I went back to bed but just as I was dozing, I realised I needed to pee. I live in a bungalow with my Mum and brother and the bathroom is near the living room, where they were. I was quite sure they didn’t know I was there and I wasn’t keen on meeting someone I didn’t know in my PJs, but I had to pee or I wouldn’t sleep.

I darted to the bathroom, quick and stealthy, without looking towards the living room. Luckily I’d shut the door to the living room so all I could see were blurs through the glass door. Nothing but silence outside the bathroom and I’m sure all they could was my peeing. Great.

I made it back to my bedroom without any embarrassment and soon the chatter continued. I’m sure they were just as embarrassed as I was.

The next morning as I was getting dressed, I started to hear chatter from my Mum’s bedroom next door. Wow, my Mum’s date really did go well.

I hurriedly got dressed, wanting to be out in the living room first. I was just eating some breakfast when my Mum walked in, grinning.

“Went well then?” I grinned back at my Mum.

“Yeah. We didn’t sleep together like that though.”

I followed my Mum into the kitchen, wanting to find out more.

“I felt a bit awkward last night creeping to the loo. I was sure you didn’t know I was there.”

“We didn’t.” My Mum laughed, her voice dropping to a whisper. “We thought you were still at Laura’s-” (my sister) “until we heard you go to the toilet. Michael-” (my brother) “- walked in and I hadn’t realised he was there. I somehow managed to end up with my head on his lap and it was too late to move by the time Michael walked in. He just put his hand forward and said, hi, I’m Michael, nice to meet you.”

We were just discussing the fact that Mum hadn’t expected him to stay the night, how they got drunk and were chatting for hours, when the guy walked in sheepishly.

“Hi, nice to meet you,” I smirked at this stranger, hoping he hadn’t heard us gossiping like high school girls.

“Nice to meet you.” He smiled back.

After that we sat in the living room, making small talk while my Mum made coffee. When my Mum arrived I was glad to see Smokey Joe walk in, allowing me to focus on rubbing my cats belly and get away from the awkward chit chat. Then with a final ‘nice to meet you’, I escaped to work.

So I somehow managed to put myself in an awkward position. But it was great to see my Mum looking so happy.

You are not alone with your mental health issues

I noticed a recent article that came out about Selena Gomez. You can read it for yourself here.

Selena Gomez opened up about the fact that she suffered from anxiety and depression. As quoted here:

“Tours are a really lonely place for me. My self-esteem was shot. I was depressed, anxious. I started to have panic attacks right before getting onstage, or right after leaving the stage. Basically I felt I wasn’t good enough, wasn’t capable. I felt I wasn’t giving my fans anything, and they could see it—which, I think, was a complete distortion.”

Source: Vogue

It’s good to know that even celebrities can suffer. We see celebrities all the time doing so much with their life that it seems like surely they don’t suffer such issues. Or if they do, they don’t have openly talk about it.

I’ve noticed recently other celebrities have opened up about their mental health issues. Chrissy Teigen recently opened up about the fact she suffers from postnatal depression. Ryan Reynolds announced he suffered from anxiety.

The fact is that it may seem like you are alone suffering. It may seem like you have done something wrong to be suffering from this. But you have not. Anyone can suffer and a lot of people are going through the same thing you are. Even celebrities who look like they have it all figured out.

And they got better too. They got through their suffering and are living life again. Which I know you can do too.

Do you wish you could take your cat everywhere with you?

I know I sure do. I’d love to take Smokey Joe everywhere with me. To look beside me and see his excitement as he saw the world outside home.

In reality, training Joe to come with me would prove challenging. Plus the fact I don’t think I’d be allowed to take him to work with me.

Yet I’ve seen people do it. When I was young I remember seeing a ginger cat happily sat behind its owner, looking out the window on the Paris underground. Or the time I saw a cat patiently sat beside its owner while she shopped in H&M. On both occasions the cat didn’t even have a leash, but the cat never ran away.

When I got Joe I initially intended on taking him outside with a harness. The first few times I put the harness on him, there was a bit of a struggle but eventually I got it on.

Unfortunately Joe protested, walking around the garden as if he had a stack of books on his back. Alongside the constant looks of disgust thrown my way.

Joe soon realised he should perhaps refuse putting the harness on. Every time I stuck a paw through one loop of the harness, he removed another paw from the harness. After an hour struggling, I gave in, he was not going in the harness and I would have to let him explore without me.

I would consider trying again, but he still dodges my attempts at putting his collar on, although I do win that battle.

So yes, my cat has outsmarted me and I have to accept the fact I can’t take him everywhere with me. I can certainly dream though!

My Mum inspires me

My Mum has been through a lot. She was with my Dad for about 30 years when he decided to leave her for another woman. Since then, for the last five years he has left that woman and come back to my Mum on a few occasions. He is now with that other woman.

Since my Dad left, my Mum started suffering from from anxiety and depression. The last time Dad left again, six months ago now, she really hit rock bottom. She took some time off work and started on antidepressants.

Despite all the pain, she went back to work and carried on with life. I recently moved in with her and we’ve had several good heart to hearts. This is where she inspires me. Because she tells me she still gets down about things, yet she doesn’t give up. Through all the pain, she has the courage to keep going. She’s started going out more and chatting to people online. She’s no longer hiding away and that takes a lot of bravery.

It goes to show that we all have the strength to get better ❤

Embracing being single

I went for a walk today and a thought crossed my mind, it’s ok to be single. I’d been in a relationship for over four years and being single does seem scary and lonely. But I realised being single doesn’t have to be that way.

It gives me freedom. It allows me to do whatever I want to do. I don’t have to worry about another person all the time. I can go out when I want and when I do, I don’t have to think about how that other person is.

And what better way to get over my anxiety and depression. Because now I can focus solely on me. I can use this opportunity to better myself. To become the person I am. To do the things that make me happy.

I know one day I will meet the man of my dreams. I know that I won’t be single forever. But I can only meet him when I’m the best version of me. When I have found happiness in life without needing a man for that. And I will get there.

So if you’re going through a breakup or feeling down about being single, don’t worry, which I know it’s not easy to do, I’m a constant worrier. But believe me when I say it’s ok. This opportunity will allow you to be the best version of you. To find happiness and learn that it’s ok to be single.

We’re all on the road to happiness and we’ve already been through the worst of it. Now go out there and do whatever makes you happy! 😄❤

Does your cat drool?

In all the years I’ve had cats, I’ve never seen a cat drool as much as my Smokey Joe.

Whenever I decide to snack on Jumbo tubes or Lunchables, he’ll instantly jump up beside me and look at me with those cute pleading eyes. Sometimes he’ll stick his face into the packet impatiently or grab my loaded hand, trying to pull to his mouth.

When he waits, he actually drools. I’m not talking about a little bit of damp, I’m talking full on massive droplets of salvia. You can watch a large droplet fall and splat.

He even drools sometimes when he kneads the blanket I’m laying under. You’ll touch the blanket only to find a circle of wet.

I didn’t realise cats could drool so much, especially at the sight of food. I decided it was worth a google search. According to Google:

“They drool when they feel relaxed and content or happy. This drooling behavior is still a mystery as to why some cats do it, but it is more of a conditional reaction such as when we are hungry, we drool. When certain areas of a cat such as the back, neck or chin are stimulated, it triggers the cat to saliva”

I guess it’s safe to say my cat is normal and is a very happy cat at that 😸

You can be happy

Sometimes it may not seem like it, but you can be happy. You may be going through something right now (a breakup, loss of job or something else) and everything may look bleak and meaningless. The fact is, you are still here. You are still going strong, you haven’t given up even if you may feel like it. Trust me when I say you can be happy.

Recently I’ve been going through a tough time. My partner broke up with me. I’ve moved back in with my Mum and brother. I suffer from anxiety and depression. I don’t even know if I’m doing a job I enjoy. So yes, I understand feeling like life is hard and miserable.

I also know that I’ve been happy before. I know that I can feel happiness and joy. Even though I feel all this pain, I know that I will get through this. This will make me stronger. I will feel happy again.

Believe me, you will get there. You can be happy and you deserve it. We all suffer, but that’s what makes us stronger and help guide us towards living the happy life we deserve.

Don’t let a breakup change who you are

About a week ago, my (ex) boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me. It is still early and it does hurt, especially as I already suffer from anxiety and depression. Amongst all this pain, there is one spiral of questions that are raised, why did I do wrong? Why wasn’t I good enough?

Then my sister said, you did nothing wrong, he’s the idiot. Perhaps it is the typical thing you say to someone who has just been dumped, but it did make me think. You see, when I get into a relationship, I give it my all. I wear my heart of my sleeve as my other Mum says. Because when I care about someone, I give them everything and try my best to always be there for them. So does that mean I shouldn’t be so caring? Does that mean it’s wrong for me to commit myself fully to a person?

If you didn’t guess already, the answer is no. I shouldn’t change who I am because I wasn’t right for someone. By changing who I am won’t make me more likely to find love, it would only mean I was being someone I am not.

Don’t let a breakup change you as a person. You are good enough and you will find someone who completely understands you and who loves you for who you are. It’s not your fault he/she didn’t appreciate those lovely qualities you have.

The Start

So I thought it was time I started my blog. I’ve been putting this off for too long and when I do sit down to write, my mind goes blank.

The problem is I don’t know what I’ll talk about, but I thought, maybe I should just write. I can just write whatever I feel like writing and see where it takes me. Here goes nothing!